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Love in Leadership transforms lives and workplaces

Hi there and welcome!

Have you watched the second video of our series “How To Step Up Your Leadership Game For 2018”? If not, click here to watch it before you continue reading this week’s blog posting. It will give you a good introduction to this topic that can, literally, transform your workplace and your personal life.

This week, I want to talk to you about how to find an answer to three of the biggest questions in leadership:

  • How to engage people?
  • How to break resistance?
  • How to build loyalty?

Imagine leading a team and personal relationships that are fully engaged, resistance-free, and loyal to you.

This is a dream many leaders share and there are many tools available to help you build such a team.

One of the greatest available is based on love.

Yes, LOVE!

I know, I know … you are skeptical!

How can love have anything to do with leadership?

The answer is: everything!

(Now may be a good time for you to watch the video, if you haven’t yet!)

Leaders lead people and people are emotional beings. As relational beings, we are guided by the desire to love and to be loved! We crave to be loved and accepted in every relationship, both personally and professionally.

Gary Chapman, a renowned psychologist and best seller author, was able to beautifully portray this truth through his books The Five Languages of Love and The Five Languages of Appreciation in the Workplace

These two books have saved countless marriages and helped thousands and thousands of leaders connect with their teams at a deeper level!

According to Dr. Chapman, there are five languages of love/appreciation that guides human behaviors:

  • Quality Time
  • Acts of Service
  • Gifts
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Physical Touch (for personal relationships)

Every person interacts with those around, personally and professionally, through a primary and secondary language. When a  leader is able to identify the language of appreciation of the people around her/him and make the effort to communicate with each one of them accordingly, change begins to take place.

People who feel loved/appreciated by their leaders are more engaged, less resistant, and more loyal.

To help you understand, I will give you an example of how these love/appreciation languages play out in a scenario.

Let’s use coffee, because, c’mon, we all love coffee (at least, the good people do – ops, sorry…bad joke!)

For this scenario, we will assume everyone in your team love  coffee and that they take turns brewing the coffee every morning. You want to show them how much you appreciate their action based on each person’s love/appreciation language:

For the Gift Language: You would stop at Starbucks, buy her/him a coffee and just say: “I stopped by Starbucks, remembered how much you love Caramel Macchiato, so I bought you one. Enjoy it!”

For the Quality Time: You would invite that person for a coffee and give her/him your undivided attention (even if for 5 minutes).

For the Words of Affirmation: You would tell him/her how much you love his/her coffee.

For the Acts of Service: You would go to the kitchen yourself and fix him/her a coffee.

For the Physical Touch: This is something you don’t want to practice in the workplace for ethical reasons but, if in your personal life, you can give that person a hug to show appreciation to all the times she/he made coffee for you.

This is a very simplistic way to explain how the five love/appreciation languages play in real life. I would need to sit down with you one-on-one to really make it fully relevant to your team/personal life. However, I believe you can have a good idea.

One of the feedback I receive when I share this tool with my clients is:

“It’s too time consuming to individualize my communication based on the languages of appreciation.”

I agree! It is time consuming and tiring.

However, building strong and last relationships take a lot of time and effort. It is the price you must choose pay if you want an engagement, less resistance, and loyalty.

As you think about whether or not you should implement this tool in your life/workplace, I highly recommend that you read one of Dr. Chapman’s books. It is an easy reading (you may even get the audio book and listen during your commute to and from work).

The Five Languages of Appreciation is also a great topic for a lunch-and-learn! If you would like me to come and teach your people about this great tool, let me know! It will be a pleasure to serve you and your organization!

Enjoy your Thanksgiving week with your loved ones. As you surround yourself with those you love, ask yourself:

  • What are their love language?
  • What can I do to show my appreciation to each one of them in the way they feel most loved?

Cheers to your continued success!


Vaine Angelo

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