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Emotional & Social Intelligences: The Key to Successful Relationships

Hi there and welcome!

It is always a great pleasure to add value to you. Thank you for coming back. If this is your first time, please subscribe here to receive our weekly “Dose of Leadership” directly in your inbox.

Right now, we are in our 4-week video series “How to step your leadership game for 2018” and this week’s topic is a big one for leadership and all interpersonal relationships: Emotional and Social Intelligences.

If you have not yet watched the video, click here to watch it before you continue reading.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) and Social Intelligence (SI) have been hot topics in leadership and personal growth since the term was introduced by the Dr. David Goleman over 20 years ago.

My goal with this week’s blog is to have you understand what EI and SI mean, how it affects your life and workplace, how to make it relevant to you, and give you a tool to help you improve them in your life.

Basically, Emotional Intelligence is your ability to assess and manage your own emotions, while Social Intelligence is your ability to assess the emotions of others. A person with high levels of EI and SI can navigate intrapersonal and interpersonal relationships like a pro.

This is a topic that is very close to my heart because it was my lack of emotional intelligence that led me to the journey that brings me here today: a leadership teacher, coach, and trainer.

My natural level of emotional intelligence is very low. My inability to self-regulate my emotions led me to destroy many good relationships, both personally and professionally.

The leader I am today – able to influence and engage others, genuinely celebrate them, and build others for success – is a living testimony that investing in your leadership development not only works, but it is the best investment you can make in your life.

There is so much literature in EI and SI and I highly recommend that you check Dr. Goleman’s website (the man himself) for the latest information in this topic.

But, like everything in life, the question is:

How do I make this relevant to my life!

And this is the golden question for anything that you learn.

There is a tool called Energy Leadership*, proposed by Dr. Bruce D. Schneider*, that allows you to identify how your emotional and social intelligence is playing in your life and affecting your relationships.

If you have not yet watched this week’s video, please click here to watch it now and you will have more clarity about this great tool.

Bruce Schneider tell us that, at any given moment, we are looking at ourselves, the world, and everyone around us through a combination of seven levels of awareness, what I like to call it “lenses”.

To make it easier, imagine all of us have seven different eyeglasses available to us at all times. Each one of those glasses allow for a different view, or perspective, of the world.

The different perspectives are victimization, conflict, responsibility, compassion, opportunity, peace, and passion. These perspectives are a result of our thoughts and emotions and they impact every interaction we have with ourselves and others around us. If you want to know more about this concept, I recommend Bruce D. Schneider’s book Energy Leadership: How to transform your life and workplace from the core.

The important thing is that there are no “good or bad lenses”. The secret is to learn how to choose the right one for the right moment.

If you are being attacked by someone with a knife, choosing the lenses of conflict will give you the greater chances of survival. Now, if you are facing a problem with someone you love, choosing the lenses of conflict will cause the most damage to that relationship. In this last case, the lenses of compassion and peace will give you the best outcome.

The key question is: how to have control of which lenses to use?

First, you want to know which lenses you are currently using the most and how they are impacting the results you are getting. This can be done by an assessment I offer called “The Energy Leadership Index”. This 20-minute online questionnaire, followed by a 90-minute debrief session with me, will show you where you stand in the model below and will give you practical knowledge and tools to help you choose the lenses that will benefit the most.


Some people take this assessment and, joined with the tools and knowledge they already possess, will leave with all they need to improve their emotional and social intelligence in their own. Other people choose to engage in individual coaching to help them develop the skills they identify they need in order to improve their EI and SI. However, doing the assessment is the first step. To learn more about it and to request your assessment, you can visit my Assessments Page.

Wow, it was a long blog today. Certain topics require more in depth information and, since my goal is to add value to you, I choose to not cut corners! I will always give you the best I have to help you succeed as a leader.

I hope this week’s message added value to you and, if so, please comment with your thoughts. I would love to know what you agree and disagree with. How is your perspective similar or different than mine…and, as always, please share this blog post with your network of friends. I believe that we are better and stronger together.

I see you next week again,

Cheers to your continued success,


PS. If you have not yet subscribed to receive our “Weekly Dose of Leadership” directly in your inbox, you may do so by clicking here.

*“This piece contains my interpretation of the copyrighted work of Bruce D Schneider and the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC).”

Vaine Angelo

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